rock bottom choices

February 22, 2011

There seems to be two kinds of people in the world: those that when they hit rock bottom contemplate suicide, and those that when they hit rock bottom would never even consider it in a million years.

I’ve always wondered why that is. Does anyone have any thoughts?

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6 Responses to “rock bottom choices”

  1. Iva said

    I think it has a lot to do with what you believe in, in general. In my religion (Christianity) suicide is seen as a waste of the gift that God gave you – the gift of life. I think it is actually similar for most religions, if I’m not mistaken.

    But to be honest, it is more than just that for me. I don’t know if other people think this way, but I’ve thought about it a lot in my hardest moments. I’m not really the type to not consider final dire measures, because I’ve had a relatively turbulent life with both first and second hand experience of things that can go terribly wrong. And yet deep inside me, I realized I couldn’t ever end my life. Not even for the fear of pain or the fear of what (if anything) comes after the deed itself. But instead I couldn’t do it for the sake of those who remain.

    I cannot, simply cannot cause my loved ones that kind of pain. Not by choice.

    My father had a nephew who died of heroin abuse a couple of years ago. It was my cousin, 10 years older than myself who was in his early 30s as he died of an overdose. It killed my dad. A man who has endured things in his lifetime that most people don’t have to ever deal with, like the uncertainty and devastation of war; but this was just something else. I’ve never seen him so desperate. It was probably at that moment that I realized I could never do that to him knowingly. Or the rest of my family for that matter. It is just NOT an option.

    But that is just my reasoning and experience, I’m curious to think how others see this… Also, I love that you titled this entry “Rock bottom CHOICES” Sarah. You nailed it right there: even when things are absolutely unbearable, we still have that final choice, don’t we? To give up or hang in there…

    • Yes, religion is notorious for creating certain stigmas around suicide. Perhaps, as some literature indicates, religion is a buffer and preventative. And even with religion- why do some people – and like you said about yourself- think about when times get rough either as a way out or even as a comfort. and others cannot go there mentally. I have some thoughts about resiliency and ways in which certain personality types were cultivated at early ages due to a certain kind of parenting, but I’m holding off on going into it yet, some of it could be psycho mumbo jumbo, so I’m curious to hear about other’s perspectives….
      I’m sorry to hear about your cousin and your dads grief. So tragic and painful. I completely hear you on not wanting to cause loved ones that kind of pain. After my own loss, I could never in a million years cause that on anyone, not my worst enemy.
      Thanks for posting Iva! And yes we all have choices even when we don’t feel we do, even when we’re dragged down in suffering.

  2. Iva said

    Hmm very interesting point Sarah and I would love to know what you believe about parenting types ;)!

    Yeah I would assume that some people have a more prominent survival mode than others. And I would also mostly assign this fact to personality types. The question then arises why certain types of people are more prone to have certain types of problems and weaknesses, like the fact that artists so often suffer from some type of mental health issues, like anxiety, depression or drug abuse. I don’t honestly know, but what I do know first hand is what it is like to have bouts of creation and depression in turn, and from this experience I would have to conclude that these are polarities that all people possess but the aforementioned artist-types stretch in both directions. Sensitive people generally do this, they have sharp radars for both happiness and pain and the ability to bask in both light and darkness. Eh, it is late and I’m rambling but hopefully some of it made sense xxx

    • You totally make sense. And I think as children we are all hyper sensitive, AND, some are even more sensitive then others. Perhaps this is due to temperment, artistic, or otherwise, or having an illness at an early age, spiritual, or soul reasons….

      Not going to get into it too much, but parents that don’t model a fully alive, fleshed out, sense of self and of being human– engaged, talkative, sharing about themselves, having interesting hobbies, sharing their own emotions, feelings etc. as a model for their kid on how to be human, don’t teach kids how to have their own unique self. – i think- from observations, my life, and other people’s, without correct mirroring from parents kids don’t learn who they are, have a underdeveloped sense of self and their own existence, are perhaps more prone to having blurry boundaries of self, and not knowing who they are, and more of a tendency to abnegate their self, because who they are was very blurry for so long when they were children.—-> not being seen, not knowing who you are, and weak ego strength. That’s the gist of the hypothesis/ideas for now. But of course this is speculation and theoretical; there is no way to prove it- even if there were research on it, it still wouldn’t prove it.

      Thanks for pondering this with me!

  3. Karen Lester said

    Because I know I am stronger than anything that life throws at me.
    Because I know that there is always help if we just look for it.
    Because I know that there is someone I love more than myself and that I could not willingly leave behind.

    Yours is a very thought provoking page and I am so happy that my daughter found it and has read it.
    She is suffering and lost in the devestation after her fathers death, and whilst I can see what is happening to her and understand to a degree, none of that helps her.
    That her life and that of her child are seemingly falling apart, tears at my very soul.

    But I see her sister seemingly NOT deal with it, her belief in God she says is all she needs. But since her fathers death by suicide , her marriage has fallen apart, she has closed herself off to her own family, and they to her. My heart breaks for her and her children, as she I think is in total denial that this has affected her life !

    As a Mother you want to protect and help your children, not see them suffer.
    My anger at how their father could do this, I just shake my head, that he loved his daughters I don’t question!.but how can you just leave them behind to go through this torment ! The real pain is … there is No answer !

    • Thank you Karen for your comments and for the affirmations of your strength, belief in yourself, and the ties that keep you connected to this life. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and of your daughters’ suffering and despair. Each person, as you can see, processes their grief in different ways, and some never fully do and it leaks out into other areas of their life. I am glad that one of your daughters finds some comfort from this blog space. Making meaning and connecting to Spirit and the love flowing through from the other side have been the things that have saved me. We are the only ones, unfortunately, that can help ourselves, because as you said, nothing seems to help in times of terrifying darkness.

      I can understand your anger at your daughters’ father. The unknowing, the never really getting answers is haunting. I know for myself, that I could not hold on to my anger at John, even if I never really understood why he left me with so much pain. I know it was not intentional. And my love for him would never want him to stick around and live in pain and suffering here just to alleviate my fear of his death. Had I known he was going to kill himself in advance I would have done everything humanely possible to prevent it and to help him find a way to make his life easier,more joyful, and manageable. However, now that his death has been completed, I want what he wants. I am happy he is in peace and no longer in pain. How could I deny him this; it’s everything he ever wanted. I realize this may not be the case for you, and you may not have the same kind of undying love and affection for your daughters’ father. Perhaps one day understanding and forgiveness will emerge. Perhaps it won’t. And that’s ok too.

      I wish you and your family much healing and much strength. Thank you for reading and for being in touch. Much love…………sarah

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